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[Apr. 30th, 2005|12:36 pm] |
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I have a pic of me on here finally |
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[Apr. 18th, 2005|04:30 pm] |
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Well i had a really good day today :) I feel great because i havent eaten anything today and people have been giving me complements on things all day. Someone even said that my face is thinner and it looks good :) ! YAY i leave in two days for san francisco for a choir competition, with my jazz choir, I get to sing my song there too i am SSSOOO excited |
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[Apr. 17th, 2005|05:27 pm] |
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wow i havent updated in a while, i dunno i have been taking antidepressants and i just feel all around more relaxed and happier . I have lost like 5 lbs and i think its because the meds make me happier and i dont do the whole binge thing. actually i did do it once but i purged afterwards and it was my first time succeeding at it :) yay for me but i guess its a bad thing too because now i understand how to do it :( anyway i got the new my chemical romance cd and i am in love w/it!!!! wow GERARD WAY IS LIKE MY NEW HUSBAND ;) :p haha |
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[Apr. 13th, 2005|07:40 am] |
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Yeah ok so yesterday i was like i feel like eating sooooooooo I exercised on my elliptical for about 2 1/2 hours!! i burned 2000 cals! yay for me but now yeah i am not tooooo hungry :( i am soooooooo bored I dont have school today either, not mon, tues, or wed and i usually love going to school because its sooo easy for me not to eat, but i am stuck here. Well my mom was tired of me wearing the same pairs of pants over and over again so she took me to the store and bought me 5 pairs of pants and a pair of shoes and 2 purses! i was like yay that is so much fun ( all the pants i did have were from when i was a size 0 ) :( wish i was a 1 that is the perfect size ! ahhh i will get there again, yaya my birthday is in less than a month :) hopefully i can loose 15 lbs by then :) i would be soo happy |
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[Apr. 10th, 2005|09:22 pm] |
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YAY WEIGHT FALLING OFF !!! lost 3 lbs :) |
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[Apr. 2nd, 2005|01:43 pm] |
I dont know what to do i mean why do i constantly think about food! it consumes my every thought and action. I sit at night thinking i could have eaten less and i could have lost weight. Food controls me , i feel sick when i even look at it. When i put it in my mouth i want with everything in me to spit it out! People say that being anorexic is about control but thats just it! We dont have control at all!!! If you would rather be beaten than put a burger in your mouth thats not control. Still i feel so good when i have nothing in me and the one thing i want most is the one thing i HATE. Food is not my friend but it is not my enemy. It is not a source of life nor death. For those of us who suffer like this food is God and we obey it.
no food for 2 days |
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[Apr. 2nd, 2005|12:49 pm] |
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yay its saturday!!! well i had a pretty bad week i mean like totaly binge on whatever i want week lol it was terrible i felt sick all day ! I am totally better now though :) my fast is going good i am on 16hrs lol hahah oh well. This sounds crazy and i think its not that good of a thing but, because i have diabetes, i have needles and when i was really upset at myself for eating , :( i scratched the word fat on my arm! the funny thing is it wasnt the pain but the sight of the scratch now that i see that took away my appetite. now every time i see it , i stop thinking of food and i think of how ashamed i am of myself. On another note i found the cutest bikini in my teen people magazine. I cute the picture out and am keeping it on my wall as 'thinspiration' IT REALLY WORKS I decided if i can do good on loosing weight i will buy it ! yes that works :) have a coooooooooooooool day everyone |
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[Apr. 1st, 2005|06:45 pm] |
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I dont deserve to call myself ANA!!! :( i suck |
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[Mar. 30th, 2005|02:29 pm] |
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ok so its now two thirty and i have not eaten anything ! I feel great and i have decided that i am not eating anyhting today or tomorrow then i will maybe eat a fruit or something and then well probably wont eat for a while,we will see , I loooooooooove the feeling i get when i dont eat! I feel so proud! Every new morning is like i am one step closer to being how i want to be. I have had the flu too so that takes away my appetite and gives me an excuse to not eat. My family never eats together anyways so i am pretty lucky :) good luck to everyone ! |
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[Mar. 29th, 2005|08:56 am] |
ok starting a fast TODAY i dont know how long but yeah if anyone wants to fast w.me thats cool :) the more support the better we will do!!!! I am going to loose 15 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes i am
starting weight 120 lbs |
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[Mar. 28th, 2005|08:17 am] |
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ok so i diddnt have keytoneacidosis but i did have to go to the hospital so they could keep track of me for a day. I had to go to california the next day and that was ok except i felt like a fat bastard because my mom kept making me eat!!!!! GOD I MEAN Pretzles, chips, popcorn, and when i asked for a salad she blew up and started yelling at me ! i HATE MYSELF! Does anyone know if laxitives work? If you take a bunch doesnt the food still get digested before you can get rid of it? God diabetes sucks, but eating disorder are worse i think!! I love food soooooooo much but i HATE IT even more!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED HELP |
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[Mar. 18th, 2005|05:37 pm] |
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AHHH ok so here it is, i had to go to the doctors today and get my zoloft upped. so i go and say that i have had the flu for two days and they were all ok lets check your blood sugars. My bloodsugars were over 600!!! i think they were close to 1000 though because after 4 hours and 15 units of humalog i was still a 550! They made me go to the hospital to get my blood draw to see if i have keytoneacidosis and if i do then i have to go to the hospital and stay there on an IV. I will also miss my spring break trip!!!! I am going to California and a ton of amusement parks it would be so fun i will fuckin kill myself if i have to go to the hospital though god i will have no fun at all the entire spring break!!!!! |
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[Mar. 17th, 2005|08:28 pm] |
AHH i am a fucking god damn FAT SON OF A BITCH!!!! Excuse the language but ok here it is THIS IS WHAT I JUST ATE WITHIN 1 hour!!!! after one day of fasting---
6 COOKIES
4 TBSP OF FROSTING
1 PIECE OF CAKE
2 Cups of cereal
1 CUP Of milk
2 TORTILLAS
1 SALAD
3 peices of sugar free candy
1 CUP OF JELLO
2 nilla Wafers HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT I WANT TO BE SHOT I AM NOT EATING FOR THE REST OF THE WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKIN KILL ME NOW HELLO 5 POUNDS IN THE MORNING!!!!!!!!!! |
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[Mar. 16th, 2005|05:11 pm] |
Well today was ok, my blood sugars have been in the 200's but i diddnt eat anything except a little black coffee with splenda and a bit of creamer so about 60 cals. I feel so shitty, i suffer from depression wich i have i am sure because of my eating disorder , and well ,, my eating disorder was caused mainly by my diabetes because the fn insulin and shit makes you fat and you have to eat no matter what really so its a cycle. I need someone to keep telling me i can do it and i can have control !! HELP! Ever since i had to take anti-depressants ive been packing it on like crazy! grr. Has anyone ever felt fine before they have gone to bed, but then in the middle of the night or at like 1 am they wake up and are so hungry they loose control and just eat until it hurts? That has happened to me recently and i have no idea what to do . well thats all for now c ya |
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| AHHH |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|02:18 pm] |
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God i feel so disgusting, I keep binge eating!! its horrible and i mean my binges are not like 400 cal but more like 3000 cals!! and its just like i go into a trance and cant stop until it hurts. Today i decided to go back to being Ana , i have type 1 diabetes though so i have to have some sugar, i decided to do only water, diet soda, and juice at least until i loose 10lbs then maybe some fruit and salad but man i loooooooooooove the feeling of being skinny!!! it is soooooo much better than food lsdfjalkgjlsdkfj sf about 7000times better!!!!! hey i would like to talk to people with the same problems though so yeah LEAVE A COMMENT!!! :) lots of luvs!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|02:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | FAT! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My chemical romance-Helena | ] |
hey so i started this journal because i really need some help. I am an on and off Ana and i really could use some support. NOT CRITICISM! You dont know what its like until you have it so there. I was recently 95 lbs about three months ago and now have balooned up to 124lbs!! ahhhh i know its gross! anyone want to talk you can leave me a message or email me at swiminginthesea401@hotmail.com thanks |
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